“Take the romance and sex out of the relationship are you still relevant? If you can abstain and stay away from sexual relationships for as long as it takes till your wedding night please do, because Sexual satisfaction is highly overrated, and it doesn’t give you the attention you seek”.
Teenage struggle is centered on having a crush, dealing with heartbreaks, low self-esteem, caring about attention and losing their self-worth. The truth about this is, the struggle will always be there, so I want to lend my voice to as much as will listen. The struggle is real out there, it is a struggle for both genders, from peer pressure to pressure from the older ones coming around with sheep clothing.
The temptation is real and will always be there, and there isn’t a proven way to deal with these peer pressures but to keep talking about it, and showing you that the end result never glitters.
There is no denying the urge for attraction and securing the heart of someone who is always around, shows care and attention, but hey, you do not owe it to them to keep the commitment and not with your sexual intimacy.
So many teenage girls feel, because he stays around more often, because he understands me, we need to seal this cord of friendship by getting sexually involved, it is totally wrong. The biggest fear in this sort of commitment, is the fear of losing the attention, then for the guys, Okafor’s Law sets in, “Once a man has had a woman, he can have her again at any time”.
Most times the people you get sexually involved with, silently wish you didn’t give in, silently wish you could sticked to your NO, but within those seconds the brain is no longer functional, penetration becomes the sign of relief; the rescue.
Sexual relationships in teens come with a lot of baggage. Some who got involved at the time they did, would advise and plead with the growing once not to, because they have more regrets than relief. I will share some stories.
I lost my virginity when I was 15. My boyfriend and I thought we loved each other. But once we began having sex, it destroyed any love we had. I felt he was no longer interested in spending time with me—he was interested in spending time with my body.
—AMANDA, A COLLEGE STUDENT
I wish someone had been preaching abstinence in my ear when I was in high school. That was when my sexual activity started. I don’t even want to think about my college years. I wish I had saved this for my wife.
—A 26-YEAR-OLD HUSBAND
So many times, attention is paid to about 20% of the actual problem of early sexual relationships in teens, than the emotional hazards.
The destructive psychological consequences of temporary sexual relationships are very real. Being aware of them can help a young person make the decision to refrain from premature sexual involvement—both to avoid getting hurt and to avoid hurting someone else. That is not to say we should downplay the physical consequences of uncommitted sex.
Pregnancy is a life-changing event. Sexually transmitted diseases (STDs)—and there are now more than 20—can rob you of your health and even your life. Condoms do not eliminate these dangers. About 15% of adults who use condoms to prevent pregnancy find themselves pregnant over the course of a year.
Despite condom use, there remains a 15% risk of sexual transmission of HIV/AIDS, a 50% risk of Chlamydia2 (a cause of female infertility), and a significant risk of human papillomavirus3 (HPV) (cause of cervical cancer). Some STDs can be passed on by skin-to-skin contact in the entire genital area, only part of which is covered by a condom.
Sex is about much more than the body. It is the emotional or psychological dimension of sex that is distinctively human. Our entire person—mind, body, and feelings— is involved.
That is why sexual intimacy has potentially powerful emotional consequences. Having established this fact, I would like to share five (5) dangers of sexual relationships in teens and the beauty of abstinence.
- REGRETS: This is the first reality that hits when you realize what has happened. Some young person’s regret becoming sexually involved because they feel trapped in the relationship and these regrets can last for many years. Girls are more vulnerable to feelings of regret.
A girl who sees sex as a way to “show you care” may feel cheated and used when the boy doesn’t show a greater romantic interest after the sexual experience. If you have had a sexual relationship; forgive and reconcile with yourself, promising yourself not to get in it again.
Karen, age 16, had that experience. Since that first night, my boyfriend expects sex on every date. When I don’t feel like it, we end up in a big argument. I’d like to end this relationship and date others, but after being so intimate, it’s awfully tough.
- GUILT: Sex is so special; it deserves a special home. It’s most meaningful, most fulfilling, when it’s part of something bigger, —a continuing loving relationship between two adults.
When you are married, your sexual intimacy expresses your total commitment to each other. You are saying with your body, “I give myself to you, completely.” From this perspective, you join your bodies when you join your lives. The ultimate intimacy belongs within the ultimate commitment.
Anything short of this comes with guilt because you have gone against the rule of the Almighty that says, “Marriage is honorable in all things, and the bed undefiled”. Both genders go through this phase and most times feel, it never happened. Corruption of character: When we treat others as sexual objects to be used for our selfish pleasure, we not only lose self-respect, we change our character.
Sexual activity could be addictive and undermine your self-control. The more sex you have, the more you crave, and you are left with no satisfaction at all. Then the addiction of pornography sets in. This story of the frog will explain it better.
“If you put a frog in boiling water, it will immediately jump out. But if you put it in lukewarm water, the frog will get cooked before it has the sense to jump out”. It’s the same with pornography. Because the heat was ever so slowly turned up, you didn’t even notice that your conscience was being fried. Sexual commitment leaves you feeling like you are on an assignment to satisfy the other person you would dig in and spend time soiling your soul.
- DAMAGED OR RUINED RELATIONSHIPS: Remember the introduction of my talk? Sex can turn a good relationship bad. You can be friends with the opposite sex and have a great time, talk about a lot, study together and be so real with yourself, the day you introduce sexual activities, you find out there is little or nothing to talk about anymore, at that time if you are not finding something on their body that you did not create, you are drawing the map of destruction on them. PLEASE ABSTAIN.
Because when these continue other dimensions of the relationship soon stop developing. Negative emotions enter the picture. Eventually, they poison the relationship.
Jennifer, age 18, shares her story:
“Sex became the center of our relationship. Like a cancer, it took over. New things entered—anger, impatience, jealousy, and selfishness. We just could not talk anymore. We grew very bored with each other”.
- STUNTED PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT: Premature sexual involvement not only can stunt the development of a relationship; it can also stunt one’s development as a person. The risk appears to be greater for girls who get sexually involved and thereby close the door on other interests and relationships.
Dr. Samuel Kauffman has this to say: “A girl who enters into a serious relationship with a boy very early in life may find out later that her individuality was thwarted. She became part of him and failed to develop her own interests, her sense of independent identity”.
The default attitude of women is to be “help meet”, and they love doing that in all ramification, and once they find a guy who finds them attractive, and compliments them, they want to do everything to please him and keep him close, and when he leaves they are broken, they are worried, confused on where to start; if they are not caught early enough and taught how to grow, they lose for life.
🌹 THE BEAUTY OF ABSTINENCE 🌹
As a teenager, sexual activity is too much responsibility on you, there are so many things to chase in life, think purpose, personal development, mental strength and spiritual growth. Do not destroy your gold for a stone that would drown you. You need to abstain, here is why;
- If you give yourself the chance to postpone that sexual act a day more, you have given yourself the chance to grow. Waiting will make your relationships better because you will spend more time getting to know each other. It is worth the wait and you will be glad you did.
- When you decide to abstain you get the pressure of what to do off your chest, you will not be worried about what to do to keep up with the relationship, you get the chance to live for you and get a breath of fresh air in your life. Waiting will teach you to respect others—you will not tempt or pressure them.
- Abstinence means a better sexual relationship in marriage—free of comparisons and based on trust. By waiting, you’re being faithful to your spouse even before you meet him or her. By practicing the virtues involved in waiting—such as good judgment, self-control, modesty, and genuine respect for self and others—you’re developing the kind of character that will make you a good marriage partner.
Many teens who have already been sexually involved make the mistake of thinking, “It’s too late for me to change.” No darling, it is not too late, better late than never and this is the time to make up your mind, and ask for the leading of the Holy spirit.
Written by Queen Ngozi Amadi – Champions Tribe
What is your stance on teen’s sexuality and abstinence? As a teenager, would you like to talk to someone?
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